Ten Years
by SilentDaughter
Summary: It's been ten years since that fateful day on the rooftop. It's been ten years since he lost one of his own and he still hates himself for it. Just my spin on how Kate's 10th anniversary would have gone (or at least part of it). Told from Gibbs' point of view.


**A/N: I've been reworking my way through the show and to be honest, I'm kinda pissed they didn't do anything big for Kate on the 10th anniversary of her death. I love the episode in season 8 "A Man Walks into a Bar…" and the commemoration of her through the others for her sister (Rachel Cranston). This idea popped into my head and now I'm running with it.**

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The moment he woke up, he knew today was different. He knew what day it was and what it meant-he'd known for weeks. He knew today would be more quiet and solemn than normal.

He knew Tony would be less jovial and more straight laced than what was considered his normal while McGee would be quiet and would revert back to the man he was when he first joined NCIS; the stumbling, nervous, and unsure agent that he once was.

Abby's lab would be silent and would remain so for the entirety of the day. Her clothes wouldn't be the variations of color she always wore but they would be dark and mournful.

Ducky wouldn't let his emotions cloud his work habits or professionalism but the older man would say a prayer for the younger woman when he arrived at work and before he left. He also made sure to always keep her favorite tea in stock and brew a cup in her memory.

Although Jimmy Palmer hadn't known Kate for as long as the others had, he made sure to leave a few sprigs of Forget-Me-Nots in the handle of the cold storage that had once housed her remains. Come to think of it, he was sure he hadn't seen the Doctor use that cold storage space since then.

Ziva hadn't known Kate while she was alive but like every other year, she was respectful to the mourning processes of the others. And like Dr. Mallard, she whispered a small prayer in Hebrew when she arrived at her desk in the morning. Sometimes, she wondered what the woman would be like now. She knew what she _had_ been like before she met her demise-by stories and fond memories that were shared by the others in rare moments of vulnerability-but it didn't top her from wondering. There was still a part of her that felt responsible for the other woman's death. Had she not been so blind to her half brothers dealings, Kate would most likely still be alive today.

Gibbs, however, would remain the same stoic man he always was...or that's what he liked to think. Those first few years were tough but as time wore on, he learned to push his feelings aside until he was at home with his boat and a bottle of bourbon.

He still felt like it was his fault she died, that it should have been him instead of her. She had her whole life ahead of her. She should have been married by now to a guy who made her laugh and who cherished her and the ground she walked on. She should have been able to experience motherhood and all the joys that came with it. He remembered one night during her first year at NCIS. They had just wrapped up a particularly difficult case and were finishing up the last remaining paperwork before taking off for a much earned weekend when Tony-who had been suspiciously quiet the last few hours-began asking questions.

" _Do you ever think of having kids, Kate?" For a moment, the brunette wasn't sure if the question was sincere or not and debated in whether or not she should even answer. When she didn't get a sarcastic comment back, she relented and answered._

" _I do, yes. Why do you ask?" She questioned in turn and the older agent shrugged._

" _Just thinking about the case and how life can fly by so fast that one day you wake up and realize that it's too late to do what you want most." Tony admitted and it shocked Kate. She had rarely seen Tony this open and honest without being sarcastic or childish. She put her pen down and leaned forward on her desk with crossed arms._

" _You want kids, DiNozzo? Because to be honest, it's a little difficult to see you settling down and having kids." She said and her lips twitched in a smile as she watched Tony smile too. By now, McGee was openly watching their exchange and had put aside his own work. At his own desk next to Kate's, Gibbs listened on as he continued to 'work'._

" _Maybe one day. What about you, McDad? Do you want any McKids?" Tony asked and the younger man rolled his eyes and Kate chuckled._

" _If I find the right woman, yes. But for now, I'm not too worried about it." Tim answered and everyone was silent for a while._

" _I couldn't see myself doing any other job besides this one but if I had to chose, I'd be a mother. I've always wanted kids but I guess I've just never found the right time to." Kate admitted and Gibbs thought back to his own daughter and all that he remembered of her short time on Earth._

Gibbs had failed...again. He failed with Shannon and he failed with Kelly and he failed with Kate. He wondered how many more of the people he loved would be ripped away from him.

Not too long ago Ziva had asked him if he was ever lonely and the answer he gave her held more truth than he cared to admit.

" _You're never alone when you have kids."_

He hated himself for what happened to her. He hated that he hadn't gotten the chance to tell her how proud he was of her as an agent and as a person. He hated that she was buried some 600 miles away in a little cemetery in Indiana and not at the apartment he had had the pleasure of visiting. He hated the sound of the bullet flying through the air and the sound it made as is exited the back of her head. He hated the way her blood spattered across Tony's face and pooled in a crimson halo as she fell to the rooftop. He had lost another daughter that day and the gaping hole in his heart only got bigger.

Finally, he got up and began preparing for his day.

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 **A/N: This was just something I came up with one night. It's not as perfect as I want it and I might add to it later on but for now, I'll leave it as it is.**

 **I think I'll do one shots from the 1st and 5th year anniversaries too but they'll most likely be from Gibbs' p.o.v. with some side stories told from the others during important milestones and events (most likely as separate stories).**

 **Until next time,**

 **SilentDaughter**


End file.
